Roller Coaster

Well, to say the least, it has been quite an eventful month for me! From abruptly returning home from Haiti in the beginning of October (if you don't know the details, feel free to ask!), not knowing how long I would be home for, learning it wouldn't be until December that I would return to Haiti, deciding to live with my parents, being blessed with a car, figuring out what my day-to-day responsibilities would be, and in all that trying to just stay in God's presence in each moment...it certainly has been a roller coaster!

To update you quickly on what the last few weeks of my life have felt like: It seems pretty chaotic inside my soul! There are moments of peace, moments of confusion and questions, moments of uncertainty, moments of great joy and love, moments of "What the heck did I do with my life?", and moments of running from God. As much of a struggle as it was to live in Haiti and feel like God stripped everything away that I was dependent on...I miss it! I was finally learning to depend on Him and be comforted by HIM ALONE, and it was GOOD! Then, to so drastically be thrown back into life here in the States was hard...it's still hard. And in the midst of all of this, I can already see some important things God is using this time for in my life. My life feels so bi-polar right now! :)

There is a book that I have quoted multiple times while on this 'Haiti' journey. It's called Hinds' Feet on High Places. It is the story of Much-Afraid's journey to the High Places God has called her to. Often I have found parts of it that speak DIRECTLY to what I am going through. This morning was no different:

For one black, awful moment Much-Afraid really considered the possibility of following the Shepherd no longer, of turning back. She need not go on. There was absolutely no compulsion about it. She had been following this strange path with her two companions (sorrow and suffering) as guides simply because it was the Shepherd's choice for her. It was not the way which she naturally wanted to go. Now she could make her own choice. Her sorrow and suffering could be ended at once, and she could plan her life in the way she liked best, without the Shepherd.

..."Shepherd," she shrieked, "Shepherd! Shepherd! Help me! Where are you? Don't leave me!" Next instant she was clinging to him, trembling from head to foot, and sobbing over and over again, "You may do anything, Shepherd. You may ask anything- only don't let me turn back. O my Lord, don't let me leave you. Entreat me not to leave thee nor to return from following after thee." Then as she continued to cling to him she sobbed out, "If you can deceive me, my Lord, about the promise and the hinds' feet and the new name or anything else, you may, indeed you may; only don't let me leave you. Don't let anything turn me back. This path looked so wrong I could hardly believe it was the right one," and she sobbed bitterly.

He lifted her up, supported her by his arm, and with his own hand wiped the tears from her cheeks, then said in his strong, cheery voice,"There is no question of your turning back, Much-Afraid. No one, not even your own shrinking heart, can pluck you out of my hand. Don't you remember what I told you before? 'This delay is not unto death but for the glory of God.' You haven't forgotten already the lesson you have been learning, have you?"

And what was that lesson for me??...to TRUST Him - that in this "Land Between" God is at work! Even though I wrestle and run, when those moments come and I surrender, God is using them. He is using them to transform me in this Land Between...that the place I least thought I would be, or least desired to be is where GREAT transformation happens! My job is to TRUST HIM in that, to rest in that!

Thank you for taking the time to read this post! I pray that you may be encouraged by the 'mess of my life' it often feels like! That, together, we can cry out "Help me, help me, help me" and TRUST that His will is being done!

Fall 2012 Newsletter

AWAKENHAITI has posted our Fall 2012 Newsletter.

Take a look to read about:

-  updates on the children of the Good Samaritan homes;
-  the building of the medical and dental clinic in Canaan;
-  the transforming power of a trip to Haiti;
-  a farewell piece to Vanessa and Drew.