TROUBLE - to disturb the mental calm and contentment of; worry; distress; pains; discomfort
TRUST - confidence, reliance on a thing/person, confident expectation, hope
I have been learning so much about Trouble and Trust while living here in Haiti. And how the two actually go hand-in-hand. Each day brings both Trouble and Trust...actually from moment to moment.
One moment I love it here and feel so fulfilled...the next I hate it and wonder what the heck did I do to my life?
One moment I feel like this is exactly where I belong for this season...and 30 minutes later I wish I were at home in the US.
One moment I am so content in singleness...the next I am so frustrated and sad in being single here.
Trust & Trouble...In what I have been reading, I have found that in the Bible most of the characters have felt this way at some point, if not most of their lives. I wonder, too, how many of us, when all is stripped away, feel like this a majority of the time.
The other day, I was in a lamenting mood and opened to Lamentations 3, a verse I was reading a lot earlier in the summer. I circled all the things I had been feeling:
- He has walled me in so I cannot escape
- He pierced my heart
- He has filled me with bitter herbs and sated me with gall (bitterness of spirit)
- My splendor is gone and all that I had hoped from the Lord
- My soul is downcast within me
I identified with these words SO MUCH! It felt so good to be able to say, "YES, that is exactly how I feel." I am learning that THIS is exactly what God wants...My expression and identifying the above feelings, yet in that trouble, always turning to this (a little farther down in Lamentations 3):
- The Lord is my portion, therefore I will WAIT for Him
- The Lord is good to those whose HOPE is in Him
- It is good to WAIT quietly
- Let him sit alone in SILENCE
- For men are not cast off by the Lord forever
- Though He brings GRIEF, He will show COMPASSION
I am learning to have BOTH trouble and trust at the exact same time. And that is ok. That is good.
I am DETERMINED TO TRUST...and this season is teaching me that determination.
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