No Thief Like Fear

In wanting to write a post before leaving for Haiti on Thursday, I was trying to decide the slant I wanted to take. Would I make it more about fear and how fear can steal all the things God has planned for us to experience? Would I make it about the prayers and needs I felt like I would want for this week of travel? Would I keep it light and fun and just talk about the things I would be doing?

And then I heard this song that I heard on the plane ride back from Haiti in June…it was the moment that got me thinking, “Maybe God wants me to move to Haiti.” I’m kinda bittersweet towards that song…that thing changed my life! Ha…well not entirely, but it did get me thinking about the move God possibly wanted me to make. Here is the song with the lyrics…

“Won’t You take this cup from me cause fear has stolen all my sleep.”

Mmm…what appropriate words, then AND now. I didn’t really want to be thinking about that at that time, that God might be calling me to move to Haiti. And now that I have been given this cup (going to Haiti this weekend, and then moving there in August) fear has played a big role in that process. Not a good role, but a big role. And even now, fears run through my head. What if I get there this week and hate it? What if I can’t do it? What if it is not like I remember in my head? What if it just feels 'not right' when I’m there?

Ahhh…fear is stealing my life! Stealing the joy God has for me in each moment. Stealing the excitement of the adventure of not knowing. Stealing a life lived fully awake and fully alive! There is no thief like fear.

But, as the song goes, “Father let my heart be after You.” 

I can feel these feelings of fear, I can sit with them and process them, and even embrace them. But DO NOT let me dwell on them, do NOT let me be defined by them. Let my life be defined by You, and making and changing my heart after Yours. Come into my fears, God, and meet me there. Show me how to live your commands, “Do not be afraid…do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

THAT is my prayer as I head to Haiti for the weekend. To be fully open to whatever it is God has in store for me. To let His love cover my fears, and not miss the awesomeness of what God wants me to experience.

“Give me strength to die myself so love can live to tell the tale"